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August 5-12 holiday on Lindeman Island (Club Med) off the coast of Queensland in the Whitsunday Island group. It was windy and too cool for swimming or most sight-seeing trips. We didn't get wet, except for a bit of rain. All food and standard drinks are included in the holiday package price, so you don't suffer the usual horror of being "ripped off" for everything you eat or drink outside of your hotel room. The food is served buffet style 3 times a day and the theme varies each day. The food is plentiful and varied, but vegetarians will be searching for a variety of "hot" vegetarian food that will keep them satisfied (how much and how many different salads can you eat?). Important points:

• I'm not sure if all Club Meds are the same, but this was like having a holiday at McDonalds, or Pleasantville (or have you seen The Stepford Wives?) All of the staff are so nice, so cool and so multi-talented that you just want to slap them.
• They do that same American "birthday thing" that TGIF restaurants do, where the staff all start clapping and migrate to a table having a birthday, surround it and loudly chant something incomprehensible. It's really childish and irritating.
• It's really family friendly, which is totally wasted on people without kids.
• You'll be able to practice your spoken French if you want.
• Apparently this is the most wind-blown island in the group.
• The day-trip to Whitehaven beach is a $130 per head bums rush. Queue to get on the boat, queue to get lunch at 11:45, queue to get off the boat at the beach, queue to get back on the boat, then queue to get off. There is nothing to do on the island (we read newspapers). It's crowded and boring as all hell and a waste of money.
• The "house wine" is toxic waste. Read on... this is a hell of a story...

I was so looking forward to a holiday where I wouldn't be paying triple retail prices for boring wine (or 10 times the price in Bali). After arriving and unpacking we raced up to the lovely restaurant on the hill for our first experience of the free food and drinks. I see a big tub full of ice and wine bottles, I grab one and pull out the loose cork. What is that weird smell? It's the wine. It smells like cheap cask wine. It does. It's toxic. The only free wine is called Brentwood from Berri Estates, and it's dreadful. I could only drink it with ice cubes to chill and dilute it. I met other guests and even some staff who all expressed shock at the toxic house wine. Each evening after dinner I'd pay $30 for a bottle of Nobilo Sav Blanc (from NZ) or a $34 bottle of Penfolds chardonnay, each about 250% of the retail price. A chap we met during the holiday was a wine collector, and he paid $95 one evening for a bottle of Penfolds 389 so he could have something nice to drink while on holiday. Club Med head office in France mailed us a feedback form, so this wine tragedy will be documented and sent back to them.

Overall, the holiday was so dull that only the following photos exist. You can see a better aerial view of the island here.

The Lindeman Island Club Med resort	Whitehaven Beach
Looking out from the resort